so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
