so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
