In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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