those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
