Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize