Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
