You can't motorboat a personality
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
