and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
