Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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