I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
