saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
