the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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