So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
