dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
