Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
