How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
