I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
