Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
