she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
