Already got asked if we're dating
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
