Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
