Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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