You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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