Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
