he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
