I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
