if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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