I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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