dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
