420 ftw
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
