I think I died a long time ago.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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