Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
