The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
