Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
