Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
