If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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