I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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