she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
