You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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