what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
