she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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