I'm lost and stupid without you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
