Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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