I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
