But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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