my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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