It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
