How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
