yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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