I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
