Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's get the cat blown out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize