Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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