I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
