Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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