i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
