drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She told me I should be a condom model.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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