I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
