She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
