Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
