It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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