yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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