But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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