So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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