i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
this hospital has no fireball
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
