Your tits are I can't wait for
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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