How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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