Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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