it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
worst night to have a conscience
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
