thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
