He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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