Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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