My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
