Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
