I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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